The Next Step

I'm not really sure where my life is going.  I see what I am doing now, but where is that taking me?  I don't think I want to be in ministry.... I think my Calling is kids, but not necessarily in a church.  Mom, teacher, nanny.... i don't really know.  I just know from this internship that this might just be a volunteer thing... teach a K-1 class on Sundays.... but as for career.... I don't think that is my Calling.  I thought it was.... but more and  more I am coming to find that I don't think that is what God wants.  I know for a fact with how life is going now that I am not meant to stay here in Eureka.  Yes, that terrifies me and sometimes I cry because I am going to miss my kids and people, but honestly, I don't think I am thriving here as a person or believer.  I have grown so much in the last year, it's astounding.  But I find now that growth isn't happening any longer.  My focus and dedication is now "get done and get out," rather than focusing on my current work week.  I haven't heard much from God about anything pertaining to my life lately, so I sit in wait.  Yes, impatiently (my human nature), but my time for Knowing will come.  And if it doesn't, then off to London I go next Fall.  If that isn't what God wants for me, then I know clarity will come.  I am ready for the next step in life.... which doesn't necessarily mean marriage.... though honestly, I'd be okay with that.... But I'm really okay if marriage or a man aren't in the next phase.  I know God has some man figured out.... so I won't fret.  Just because I find that it might be nice, doesn't mean I should search for him for the sake of convenience.  I want it the right way, the first time.  I've seen too much divorce in my life to see how the wrong relationship can go.  whether the next step be a nanny in London, or finishing up my double major at Simpson, or just working.  Honestly, I have no idea.  So for now, I will get back to my work as an intern, with my sights set on graduation on May 25.  Then.... well I guess we'll see.