To grow in joy

Today for our devotional time we meditated on part of Deuteronomy 30:19

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.

I wanted to know what it was exactly that God meant by choose life.  So I asked....
God, Choosing life means... Strength. To Love. A Purpose. I paused. 
So... then what is my purpose?
To love.  To grow.  Joy. 
Joy?  I get it.  I do.  But how does that come alongside growth?
I no longer want you to grow in pain.  I want you to grow in joy. 
What does that mean?
You have suffered far too much.  I don't want you to grow because of pain any longer.  I want you to grow because of joy.  Because of the good in life.  No more growth in struggle.  You've done that your entire life.

I cried.  Figures.  But this time it was different.  I cried out of joy.  God knows exactly what I need.... I want to grow but I haven't seen much growth in the last few months... and it's because I was looking for it in the wrong places.  I was looking where I always had... in pain and struggle.  But over the last few months God has been telling me that I need not to suffer any longer.  I am going to experience joy.  That is my growing point.  I haven't seen this before and I think God wants to stretch me again.  It isn't like my life has been in the pits for nearly twenty two years.... It has just been a fight.  I struggled through divorces, eating disorders, abandonment issues, family drug problems, hatred, self hatred.... and now God is saying enough.  I've grown through those trials... I made it through.  But now He wants me to grow in joy.... something I have never experienced.  It will be overwhelming and so exciting... but I have to realize that this is a normal thing: happiness.  Not something I have experienced much of.  A fun night out.  Good conversations.  Fun events. All temporary.  But now God is saying I will be living a life of utter joy.  And I can't wait to share it with the world.