Well, it's Thursday! To say I am relieved is an understatement. I just want to sleep all day tomorrow. We don't have outreach so i get to sleep in, which will be nice. Not to say I do not welcome this exhaustion, well I don't, but I at least feel good about it, I feel like I accomplished something. This week has been insane and amazing at the same time.
Tuesday (Day 1): introduction and worship. I was nervous for this because we are in a big room singing. It may take me a while to feel comfortable singing out loud... I don't do it unless my voice is blocked out by loud music. After that we went to our departments. I am in Pastoral Care for the next 6 weeks. Which means I am helping Pastors Matt, Heidi, Susan, and Gary. I was going crazy this day. My first job as an intern was to clean out 2 of the church vans. (SO GROSS!) I had 5 meetings that day, one with each Pastor and one with Matt and Curt. I ran a few errands, did stuff for the bulletin this weekend, made phone calls, answered some phone calls, and did copies. The day went by fast and slow at the same time. I only stopped moving when it was lunch time. And for half of lunch I was driving with Jasmine to get a bagel. Afterwards, I met with Heidi for the women's retreat and planning work I needed to do for her and stayed for dinner. Then I went back to Uturn for the Rising Union concert. I slept well that night.
Wednesday (day 2, Amanda started!): Now, the beginning of this day was difficult. The morning is where I think I struggled. I was ashamed to already be struggling in the program... i mean, day 2? But I get why. And I'm not as ashamed any more. As orientation was finishing up, I found out that I am in charge of our devotionals/bible studies on Thursday mornings... and my first day starting? Today. So I had less than 24 hours to come up with some sort of Bible Study or Devotional. I literally just burst into tears. It's something I will have to get used to, I'm in ministry for goodness sake. I think the pressure of knowing that whoever is listening to the lesson or study is going to take it with them and use it. I just don't do well with people watching me. It took me an hour to calm down and I used the rest of my study time (Wednesdays study time is 10-12) to do homework (which I should be doing now... darn!). we had lunch and then departments from 1-4. I went to a PPC (something pastoral or something?) meeting for an hour and a half. More phone calls. Then hospital visits with Pastor Gary. The thing that stuck about these visits was how grateful the patients were for our brief stop and prayer. I think I will be asking to go on more visits soon. After sleeping form 7-8 (whoops) I woke up to spend a little friend time with Kelsey. I needed to get out. I am around a ton of people but I just felt like i needed a time to relax and laugh.
Thursday (day 3): My Bible Study? A success you could say. I played the song "Amazed" and read out of Ephesians, and we journaled. It was difficult but effective, you could say. After devos we went to departments. I made over 30 phone calls, went to a CWT meeting at Club 5:17, made more calls, and was in Facilities from 2:30-4:30. I did a few dishes and then mopped for over an hour and a half. I got my work out in, let me tell you. Now I am sitting in Starbucks, have been since 5 and am about to leave with Amanda and Jasmine for our 3 hour Acts class. I will be sleeping well and resting and doing homework tomorrow. This week is technically only half way over, with the huge "See You At Sequoia" event this weekend. 3pm people!! Be there! We also have the 9 and 11 services and class on Sunday night. I need to finish my homework and start on my next bible study
This program is going to push me. I am already being pushed, which is good, but i am hoping to stay motivated. I am going to look back on this post in a few months and a year to see if things have changed for me and if I have grown. Right now, I can't pray in front of people, which is the one big thing I am working on being comfortable with, and have been for years. Devos this morning was very difficult, I was ready to cry the whole time I was talking because I felt so much pressure, but i know that with time it will be so much less stressful for me. The study was kind of personal to me. The song "Amazed" by Desperation band has had a huge impact on my life. I listen to it every night before i go to bed and I still find new things in it that amaze me about how great out God is. And as I was journaling I just felt like God was saying "I am here." I have been feeling very lonely lately, I have no family living with me right now. My mom is living in Arizona, and my Dad and sister have been working in Washington since May. I miss them. It's been hard and I seem to forget that God i right by my side ALWAYS. And this morning's lesson helped me realize that. I'm Amazed...
One more thing. This is long and I have no idea who reads this so... sorry! I am having a hard time not separating myself from the other interns (Amanda and Jasmine). I seem to do it without realizing but I am kind of on my own. It isn't them, but I am pushing to be alone and that isn't going to work for long. I just feel at odds with myself and most of the time prefer to be alone. Doing homework alone. Letting them do work together and volunteering alone. I don't know... I'm trying but unwilling to just let myself be social. I seem to shut down in the mornings, aside from today, which could mean progress, but I prefer to be silent (amazing right?!) So if someone wants to keep me accountable on this I would appreciate it.
That's my first week! I won't be doing this weekly, no time! But I will try a few posts every once in a while or if some sort of event occurs. Thanks!
P.S. I am the only interns still Host-Familyless... so if you know of anyone or you yourself feel God has put it on your heart, contact the church :)
