Intern: week 10 or something like that

As you can tell, I have lost count of the weeks. that is so easy to do these days. I mean, it consumes my life in all ways, good and bad. and I'm not complaining.  Aside from some over exhaustion I am doing fabulous.  Okay, that's a lie. My life is a little complicated, but this internship makes it a little more bearable.  I am doing what God has asked me to do.  I'm exhausted. But I keep going.  Pushing on. Perseverance. So I sleep a little less, cry a little more.  That's my new normal. And I am generally okay with it.  As long as my Mondays and Saturdays are there to sleep in.  I can handle it.  I'm being pushed. Praying. Seeking. Persevering. I just have to believe it while I am operating on four hours of sleep, with two term papers, two finals, and a book i do not want to read, all due around the same date.  But i did it. I persevered. Well, my final was moved to Wednesday, but I did the rest. And I may be terrified about passing that class, but I can do it.  Why? Because God is on my side.  I am not alone.  I have been through a lot these last few weeks and the devil is pushing me. HARD. But I've told him no. He has lost that power. I am strong when I am weak. Why? Because I have Jesus.  Duh.  Like it isn't the most obvious thing in the world?? Okay, so maybe I didn't see it.  Sometimes I still don't. But I do.  He has brought me through hell and back. And I wouldn't change the process in which it took me to cross that freaking finish line.  I am away from my past. Focused. Pursing my God. I'm not looking back. Okay, maybe I am. I can't help it. But I am taking steps.  Keep walking. That's all it takes. Steps. In the right direction of course. This is kind of what I have been figuring out these last few weeks.  I am on a sort of mini vacation right now, and after the first night of NO sleep, I am going to be sleeping full night sleeps until I get home.  I need it. So I don't burnout. Or lose my mind. Because it is heading that direction.  But in this, I am noticing the devil going after me. When I am tired.  So I keep awake. Stay refreshed. Keep walking. I'll feel okay when I am a little lazy.  I like lazy. Especially when I have a very small amount of time to be lazy.  I will take my time to breathe.  Take my time with Christ. And I will survive. And maybe I will find a little more time to blog :)

"Don't be so driven by your past that you throw away your future."
-Katherine Beckett

My Best Friend

So I love my Best Friend.  Today is her eighteenth birthday and I am in Kirkland with her and a million of her floor mates.  We were talking about our lives and we talked a lot about our friends and how we are doing with our new lives.  We have realized who our real friends are in the last 10ish weeks.  We both began new journey's within a week of each other and that was the hardest thing to let go: my person.  She is who I had for everything. Good. Bad. Terribly Ugly. She knows absolutely everything about me, my family, my life. She knows my pet peeves, my quirks, and sometimes I drive her crazy. But she tolerates me.  She loves me through it all.  I have one other person in my life that I can say that about.  And she is home. But Amy is far away.  Sometimes too far away.  But she has never left me.  I call her in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out.  She does the same. (though she is a lot less emotional than me)  She has never ever given up on me, and she believes in me. She trusts God's plan for me, even when I don't. And she still finds the time to do her homework and live her own life.  We talk every day.  I can't remember a day where we haven't talked on the phone, facebooked, skyped, texted, heytelled, or recieved/written a letter.  She is the only person who has ever... and i mean ever... kept in contact, or even stayed my friend when they left. And she has stayed my Best Friend. She makes the effort, as well as I, but I feel loved. Every. Day. Because I get a hey.  She loves me for me.  Judgment free. Every Day. Like God. And she shows me Christ's love.  Which I so desperately cling to.  And she has no idea how much it helps.  Well I guess she will now.  I know God gave me her to be my best friend.  my sister. my family.  She has given me her family.  her life. She's adopted me as a sister.  And for this, I am Thankful. Grateful. Blessed.

So Amy, Amer, Yams, Amy Jacqueline Kae, Googles, Boo.
Happy Birthday.
I Love You.
Always,
Teresa, Resa, Arte, Bing.
Your Best Friend.

first heartbreak

God moved in my life in extreme ways this week.
Forgiveness. Love. Joy. Peace.
I'm exhausted but happy.
Until I get this phone call.
Devastation fills my heart.
I can't fully comprehend what is happening until I talk about it.
And then the tears flow.
Plans destroyed.
A future no longer seen.
Brokenhearted.
What is this?
Tears?
Over a boy?
Never has this happened to me.
I'm strong. Independent.
Then I stumble.
Why did I allow my heart into this?
Why would i get so involved that heartbreak is even a possibility?
And now all I can do is cry and feel like a child.
I don't do this.
I don't risk my heart.
Because it breaks.
And I don't know how to put it back together.