STOP JUDGING AND EVALUATING YOURSELF, for this is not your role. Above all, stop comparing yourself with over people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both. I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.
Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love. Many believers perceive My as an unpleasable Judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation. This is how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness. When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-Face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity. Immerse yourself in My loving Presence. Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37 NIV)
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. (John 3:16, 17 NIV)
I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. (Isaiah 61:10 NASB)
My son, do not despise the Lord ’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. (Proverbs 3:11, 12 NIV)
Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
To Struggle
Life has been a struggle lately. Terrible health issues (need surgery), work hours changing, family concerns.... so much is happening out of my control.
I've been holding in all my emotions about my sickness... the truth is I am overwhelmed. I've stopped myself from even admitting to myself how much I am struggling. Twice now I have just lost it in tears because doctors have found no solution. Well at 6am yesterday we think we found a solution. I had an hour and a half long HIDA Scan at the hospital. The test is for my gall bladder and caused my symptoms to all come back ten-fold. I almost got sick on the woman administering the test.... I might need my gall bladder removed. But I am beyond over joyed that we have possibly found a solution. I have gone to 2 doctors, had a procedure, 5 needles in my arm, an ER visit, and two sets of blood tests in the last month and a half. I'm just waiting for the day when I wake up and can get out of bed pain and nausea free.
Today I walked into work frustrated. I only slept 8 hours and my medication requires at least 10 hours for me to be okay. I felt very ill. I was stressed out. So I snapped. I wanted to cry and tell the world to leave me alone. I put my headphones in and glared at everyone. I was rude and made frustrated snappy comments. It was a terrible morning. By one I had to apologize. It wasn't okay. I wasn't okay. I feel awful for the way I treated the other interns. But by two my day was looking up. I got my entire list done for work done by 4. I was able to pray and listen to worship music as I worked alone. I had a donut. I had a laugh. Most importantly I had coffee. Now I'm still tired but I feel better. I am optimistic, apologized to everyone and had a weight lifted, and I was able to talk to my best friend on the phone for 20 minutes. I had a polar opposite afternoon to this morning. I almost forgot how awful this morning was but you can't forget those things, you know? You have to take it and make it a lesson. I will probably be tired again with this illness. I'll probably be frustrated. But when I prayed for a better day, it happened. Very slowly.... but there was progress... and I didn't grow from the suffering. I grew from the day change. From the perspective change. I was able to see how I suffer and I was able to turn that around for next time. I'm going to suffer.... but I don't have to make others suffer or make myself suffer worse because I feel sorry for myself. Tonight I will go to bed early and sleep in tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. No suffering.
I've been holding in all my emotions about my sickness... the truth is I am overwhelmed. I've stopped myself from even admitting to myself how much I am struggling. Twice now I have just lost it in tears because doctors have found no solution. Well at 6am yesterday we think we found a solution. I had an hour and a half long HIDA Scan at the hospital. The test is for my gall bladder and caused my symptoms to all come back ten-fold. I almost got sick on the woman administering the test.... I might need my gall bladder removed. But I am beyond over joyed that we have possibly found a solution. I have gone to 2 doctors, had a procedure, 5 needles in my arm, an ER visit, and two sets of blood tests in the last month and a half. I'm just waiting for the day when I wake up and can get out of bed pain and nausea free.
Today I walked into work frustrated. I only slept 8 hours and my medication requires at least 10 hours for me to be okay. I felt very ill. I was stressed out. So I snapped. I wanted to cry and tell the world to leave me alone. I put my headphones in and glared at everyone. I was rude and made frustrated snappy comments. It was a terrible morning. By one I had to apologize. It wasn't okay. I wasn't okay. I feel awful for the way I treated the other interns. But by two my day was looking up. I got my entire list done for work done by 4. I was able to pray and listen to worship music as I worked alone. I had a donut. I had a laugh. Most importantly I had coffee. Now I'm still tired but I feel better. I am optimistic, apologized to everyone and had a weight lifted, and I was able to talk to my best friend on the phone for 20 minutes. I had a polar opposite afternoon to this morning. I almost forgot how awful this morning was but you can't forget those things, you know? You have to take it and make it a lesson. I will probably be tired again with this illness. I'll probably be frustrated. But when I prayed for a better day, it happened. Very slowly.... but there was progress... and I didn't grow from the suffering. I grew from the day change. From the perspective change. I was able to see how I suffer and I was able to turn that around for next time. I'm going to suffer.... but I don't have to make others suffer or make myself suffer worse because I feel sorry for myself. Tonight I will go to bed early and sleep in tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. No suffering.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Lent
So every year I do lent. No I'm not catholic. But I use this time to refocus on the importance of God in my life. I usually fast coffee but I'm already on a no caffeine restriction. So I decided to fast country music. Slightly ridiculous but this is harder than any year I've done yet. My life depends so much on music and I think non stop about how I wish I were listening to Blake Shelton or Miranda Lambert. It's sad how much I like it and how much I miss it. But now I know the importance of focusing on God during this time. Whenever I think about missing country music I pray. It brings me closer to God and makes it a little easier. It's only been 4 days and I'm slightly miserable. But I know in the end that it will work out and when I get back to listening to country music I will be so much more thankful for it b
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
God Is So Much Bigger
I've had a new perspective on missions and life just in the last 24 hours. I'm going to be challenged. It's going to be maddening at times. And I'm going to fight in order to stay on the right path, but it's so worth it. It's the first time I'll be on my own in a way. No rules necessarily. No curfew. An adult. It's emotionally exciting and causes tears, but I can't wait.
I've been reading a lot on missions in prep for training and I've found so much in the Bible about God's amazing works in the world. Jesus went everywhere capable. God commanded it that all the world know Jesus. Yes we know that. But do we know how Jesus went about it? Do we fully comprehend that? In love. If we walk in love then they will know the gospel. Knowing that I am capable of love and knowing I am capable to fulfill this calling is overwhelming and makes me so sure that this is right. I may not be fluent in Russian yet. I may have little experience in missions. But I know what it is to love. I know how to love these kids. I know how to love these people. I know what to do. And it amazes me that God has finally set in from of me His mission for me. After all this preparation I'm ready.
I was listening to Heidi speak this weekend and she said "The Creator is bigger than the creation." And I never thought of it like that. God is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. The scenery. The animals. The people. He is so much greater. Meaning His plans are incomprehensible and His creation is incomparable to anything. I'm so far beyond blown away at what He is capable of. He took me, this 21 year old out of little Eureka... Brought me through a crazy life and testimony unique to only me.... He brought me through barriers so strong that only He could break them... He pushed me through school and this internship. With graduation on the horizon and Russia not far after.... I see where He has been all along. Where He is so much bigger than what He has done for me. And I am ready. I'm ready for His greater plans.
I've been reading a lot on missions in prep for training and I've found so much in the Bible about God's amazing works in the world. Jesus went everywhere capable. God commanded it that all the world know Jesus. Yes we know that. But do we know how Jesus went about it? Do we fully comprehend that? In love. If we walk in love then they will know the gospel. Knowing that I am capable of love and knowing I am capable to fulfill this calling is overwhelming and makes me so sure that this is right. I may not be fluent in Russian yet. I may have little experience in missions. But I know what it is to love. I know how to love these kids. I know how to love these people. I know what to do. And it amazes me that God has finally set in from of me His mission for me. After all this preparation I'm ready.
I was listening to Heidi speak this weekend and she said "The Creator is bigger than the creation." And I never thought of it like that. God is so much bigger than what we see in front of us. The scenery. The animals. The people. He is so much greater. Meaning His plans are incomprehensible and His creation is incomparable to anything. I'm so far beyond blown away at what He is capable of. He took me, this 21 year old out of little Eureka... Brought me through a crazy life and testimony unique to only me.... He brought me through barriers so strong that only He could break them... He pushed me through school and this internship. With graduation on the horizon and Russia not far after.... I see where He has been all along. Where He is so much bigger than what He has done for me. And I am ready. I'm ready for His greater plans.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Communion
"Take the cup now in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
I remember three years ago when I said no. I remember staring at the tiny cup of juice and thinking I couldn't do it. Why? Fear. I was afraid. Not of Jesus. No never. But afraid of food.
It amazes me that last night I was pouring my heart out to God during communion and yet three years ago I couldn't even get myself to partake in communion. It amazes me how far I've come. So much of my life was focused on this problem, this disorder, that I couldn't even take communion in remembrance of My God. Last night He reminded me of how much has changed. So I thank Him.
I thank Him for giving me the strength to overcome an obstacle that for the longest time held me captive. I thank Him for the human power He provided to talk me through hell and to love me when I didn't think anyone did. I thank Him for loving me enough to not give up, even when I did or refused to progress. Most of all I thank Him because of His broken body and His blood. Because no one understands more than Him what brokenness means than the Man who died for me. God taught me that I am worth so much more than I consider my own worth. His version of worth is so much Greater than my own perspective. And that is why, three years later, I am able to take communion. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
I remember three years ago when I said no. I remember staring at the tiny cup of juice and thinking I couldn't do it. Why? Fear. I was afraid. Not of Jesus. No never. But afraid of food.
It amazes me that last night I was pouring my heart out to God during communion and yet three years ago I couldn't even get myself to partake in communion. It amazes me how far I've come. So much of my life was focused on this problem, this disorder, that I couldn't even take communion in remembrance of My God. Last night He reminded me of how much has changed. So I thank Him.
I thank Him for giving me the strength to overcome an obstacle that for the longest time held me captive. I thank Him for the human power He provided to talk me through hell and to love me when I didn't think anyone did. I thank Him for loving me enough to not give up, even when I did or refused to progress. Most of all I thank Him because of His broken body and His blood. Because no one understands more than Him what brokenness means than the Man who died for me. God taught me that I am worth so much more than I consider my own worth. His version of worth is so much Greater than my own perspective. And that is why, three years later, I am able to take communion. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
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