To Struggle

Life has been a struggle lately.  Terrible health issues (need surgery), work hours changing, family concerns.... so much is happening out of my control.
I've been holding in all my emotions about my sickness... the truth is I am overwhelmed.  I've stopped myself from even admitting to myself how much I am struggling.  Twice now I have just lost it in tears because doctors have found no solution.  Well at 6am yesterday we think we found a solution. I had an hour and a half long HIDA Scan at the hospital.  The test is for my gall bladder and caused my symptoms to all come back ten-fold.  I almost got sick on the woman administering the test.... I might need my gall bladder removed.  But I am beyond over joyed that we have possibly found a solution.  I have gone to 2 doctors, had a procedure, 5 needles in my arm, an ER visit, and two sets of blood tests in the last month and a half.  I'm just waiting for the day when I wake up and can get out of bed pain and nausea free.
Today I walked into work frustrated.  I only slept 8 hours and my medication requires at least 10 hours for me to be okay.  I felt very ill.  I was stressed out.  So I snapped.  I wanted to cry and tell the world to leave me alone.  I put my headphones in and glared at everyone.  I was rude and made frustrated snappy comments.  It was a terrible morning.  By one I had to apologize.  It wasn't okay.  I wasn't okay.  I feel awful for the way I treated the other interns.  But by two my day was looking up.  I got my entire list done for work done by 4.  I was able to pray and listen to worship music as I worked alone.  I had a donut.  I had a laugh.  Most importantly I had coffee.  Now I'm still tired but I feel better.  I am optimistic, apologized to everyone and had a weight lifted, and I was able to talk to my best friend on the phone for 20 minutes.  I had a polar opposite afternoon to this morning.  I almost forgot how awful this morning was but you can't forget those things, you know?  You have to take it and make it a lesson.  I will probably be tired again with this illness.  I'll probably be frustrated.  But when I prayed for a better day, it happened.  Very slowly.... but there was progress... and I didn't grow from the suffering.  I grew from the day change.  From the perspective change.  I was able to see how I suffer and I was able to turn that around for next time.  I'm going to suffer.... but I don't have to make others suffer or make myself suffer worse because I feel sorry for myself.  Tonight I will go to bed early and sleep in tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be a better day.  No suffering.