I grew up in a crazy home. A house full of six people, along with 90% of my relatives living in town and the rest just a quick drive away. We could have 27 family members at our house, and that wouldn't even count the family friends! Holidays used to be insanity. That is until recently.
When I was in high school it seemed like everything changed. The twenty seven people turned to five or eight. And then one year, I spent the entire Thanksgiving day alone in my room. I hated Thanksgiving after that year.
The years after that seemed to be the same, leave home in the morning and come back on Friday, just to avoid loneliness. My Dad wasn't coming home, my sisters had boyfriends... what's a holiday with two people? It seemed for a while that no one even wanted to spend the day together. My hate for Thanksgiving grew.
I spent Thanksgiving with my Best Friend and her family for those years and a few after, making it more bearable... But then last year I found out that they wouldn't be in town and neither would either of my parents. My hate returned.
Alone once again.
I didn't realize that God would play a major part in this. I thought that without them I would have nothing, no where to go. But alas, God had better plans. I got invited to FOUR Thanksgivings. One of them happened to be my sister, and it turned out to be a very nice early afternoon with all of my sisters and my grand parents... the first "normal" Thanksgiving in years. I spent the rest of the day driving from my neighbors, to LeeAnn's, to Maryann's. I was over abundantly covered in love and care. I didn't know what to think.
And then there was this year.... SEVEN invitations. I didn't know I deserved such love... and although I only made it to five, I am completely blown away by the generosity of those around me. A day that used to hurt so much just to wake up to, to a day where I fall asleep smiling and exhausted because I spent the day with so many people that I love. My best friend was in town, which was such a blessing... but I realized that even if they weren't... I would have been okay.
God has definitely reassured me of something over the last year. I. Am. Loved. And I am not alone. I have so much love around me, fences being mended, relationships growing. I have an amazing God who has and will continue to show me that He is taking care of me. Even though I don't have my old house full of my entire family, I have that in other ways. I have my family now, but I also have my extended family. I love that I can say I have little brothers and sisters, and families that would love to have me over on such a special day.
So on day where I feel left out or alone, I will think of the last two Thanksgivings... a time that was once so lonely... isn't so much any more.
