To Be Twenty Six: July 2013

You know, I've really struggled with the idea of time over the last year. 2 months until a hopeful deployment date. One year in Russia. Will I stay longer? How old will my nieces be? Will my friends get engaged, will my sisters have more kids? Change, change, change. Fear. Dead on. But something I have really started to understand is that once I come back I can adjust. Sure, I may miss out or I may struggle as I hear about life, But hey, I'm going to be doing the same! A life in Russia? Who even gets to say that?? Time isn't standing still, but I am still going to be okay.
Shakeh and Michael really helped me come to terms with this, this weekend. They moved away two years ago and life has been different. Things have changed, people have changed, but we are still the same. Relationships never severed, love and honesty still flowing. Relationships that we have struggled to keep have lived on. They visited for a few days and it was as if they never left. Goodbye was just as hard this time as last time. But I know I'll see them soon.
I pray that any relationship I have right now that really has meaning in my life will not sever. I pray for great friends that I will cry about for weeks because I miss them. Why? Because as Michael said today, it means I have real love in my life. It is painful. I cannot imagine not having this kind of hurt in my heart because it means I have never loved. Sure, my nieces will age, friends will get engaged or move away, old and new habits will burn and die out. I'll be different. They'll be different. But that love? It will alway be there. Always mean something.
So as I stood at the door and watched as two of my favorite people drove away, it hurt. I cried. I lost. But I gained so much more love in my heart. It hurts so much greater because I have so much more to lose.
Goodbye will Always hurt, but I never want that to change.

It's been all quiet on the blog front. I've had an inkling to post for weeks but life has been a haze of kids, Russia, and best friends. My summer has been uneventful and yet insanely busy. I've spent 90% of my time with kids, working. The other 10% has been a mixture of my closest friends and Russia. It has been so difficult finding the time to fundraise and learn Russian. I'm beyond overwhelmed that I am no where near prepared for this. I'm super excited, but instead of having Russia in the passenger seat (as it is supposed to be) it's been in the trunk. I'm using my few days off for refocus and to work on my presentation. I meet with Rachel in an hour to finalize things and hopefully set a date for my church presentation. I've been emailing multiple people all morning and scheduling meetings in what little time I have. I've finally enjoyed a little vacation. 2 days at the lake two weeks ago (with my best friends) and 4 days with my Tia and second parents at the lake last weekend. I needed it more than I thought. I spent the first two days tubing (a severe hematoma on my leg [blood clot, possible fracture] from a particularly gruesome tubbing accident), skiing, surfing, tanning, eating, kayaking, and laughing with my best friends Tia and Amy, and Tia's boyfriend Nate (along with some family friends). The other four days were just Tia Lynn and her parents and I. We literally laid around all weekend. I got 10 shades darker (no exaggeration) and got through 300 pages of a sappy romance novel. I haven't read recreationally since Shakeh lived here, it was nice. We surfed a little, tubbed until Tia and I crashed too hard, and spent a lot of time bonding with her parents. We talked a lot about Russia and it felt amazing to finally share my heart with them. Food and bingo were also on the list of the most relaxing weekend I have had in probably years. All that was missing was Amy.
Now I am in full fledge fundraising mode! I am running my individual presentation through Joe and Rebekah and then I'll start scheduling them with my list of 200. God has already proven to be the God that provides as I have had so many families approach ME about supporting me. I am so excited. The Cecil's deploy in 42 days and the plan is that I follow shortly after that, hopefully no later than November! I'm ready for this adventure and I head to Wisconsin in 8 days to spend the week with the Cecils! I can't wait to finally meet the kids and spend more time with Kim and Steve. I haven't seen them since the 3rd of May, missions training. I take the fact that I really miss them as a good sign.
Once August hits I am hoping to be in full motion with fundraising. I am hoping for at least one appointment a day and for 100% by October. Once kids start back to school I will be extremely limited in work and finances, so I am relying on God's provision and trusting that I can get to the field ASAP.
Time to keep working!