You know, I've really struggled with the idea of time over the last year. 2 months until a hopeful deployment date. One year in Russia. Will I stay longer? How old will my nieces be? Will my friends get engaged, will my sisters have more kids? Change, change, change. Fear. Dead on. But something I have really started to understand is that once I come back I can adjust. Sure, I may miss out or I may struggle as I hear about life, But hey, I'm going to be doing the same! A life in Russia? Who even gets to say that?? Time isn't standing still, but I am still going to be okay.
Shakeh and Michael really helped me come to terms with this, this weekend. They moved away two years ago and life has been different. Things have changed, people have changed, but we are still the same. Relationships never severed, love and honesty still flowing. Relationships that we have struggled to keep have lived on. They visited for a few days and it was as if they never left. Goodbye was just as hard this time as last time. But I know I'll see them soon.
I pray that any relationship I have right now that really has meaning in my life will not sever. I pray for great friends that I will cry about for weeks because I miss them. Why? Because as Michael said today, it means I have real love in my life. It is painful. I cannot imagine not having this kind of hurt in my heart because it means I have never loved. Sure, my nieces will age, friends will get engaged or move away, old and new habits will burn and die out. I'll be different. They'll be different. But that love? It will alway be there. Always mean something.
So as I stood at the door and watched as two of my favorite people drove away, it hurt. I cried. I lost. But I gained so much more love in my heart. It hurts so much greater because I have so much more to lose.
Goodbye will Always hurt, but I never want that to change.
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