Home

So I haven't blogged in a while. The internship is crazy insanity with 3 trips in 3 weeks. 22 hours of driving in there. Midterms. Classes. Homework. Crazy Work hours. And moving.
Yes. Moving. Again.
I feel like a plague. A circumstance I cannot control, nor those who can't keep me. It's just so frustrating to be shuffled around from house to house as SOON as I am comfortable. I feel like a foster kid right now. I'm living out of my duffle bag. I have like 4 complete outfits, 2 sweatshirts, a jacket, and a few pairs of shoes. I asked Amanda to bring me a picture so I could set it up to at least feel like home. I LOVE where I am at Maryann's right now, but with circumstances beyond anyone's control (again) I can't stay there. I was only supposed to be here for two weeks. We passed the two week point, but there still is no where for me to go. This cycle just keep repeating and I can't help but feel lost and completely confused! I'm not sleeping, any time I eat I either get sick or have to curl into a ball for a while, I'm stressed, and all I need is a home.... It just makes me realize... I really have NO where else to go... At least not where the internship will allow... And again only somewhere that I will have a bed and a place to put my 5 outfits. I'm so done with this phase in life... People have been telling me, you'll know what real tired is when you have kids. You'll wish you could go back to now, the easy time. I don't think anyone understands the hell I'm dealing with. To not have a place called home? To have no where to go. To be shuffled from house to house because no one can keep me. I'm not 12. I'm 21 and I should be able to have a home! I'm not especially privileged. Nor do I feel I deserve a home... But seriously, this phase has to end or I have to leave. Because I cannot keep doing this. It has been like this my entire life. In the last 9 months I have live in 4 different places where I either wasn't wanted or circumstances beyond my control arose. I'm not angry with any of those people... But seriously, this next place I am put will hopefully work out. Hopefully number 5 is the magic number, because if it isn't, number 6 is going to be in London, where I wanted to go in the first place. I need a home. With love. Where I am wanted. Where I can stay. I can't do this any more.