To Be Abnormal

"Who says normal is anything to strive for?"

These words were spoken to me 2 months ago, as I sobbed about how I wanted to be normal.  All I could think about was how I wanted to settle somewhere, have something go my way.  I had just come back from Russia without warning, and I was feeling the effects of reverse culture shock.  I didn't have somewhere I fit. I didn't have somewhere to call home. I didn't have normal.

I've spent the last two months working my butt off to prove myself worthy.  I was a missionary who wasn't.  I was in the states, a choice I did not make.  I thought had to prove my worth because I felt I was in a place I wasn't supposed to be.  I lost track of what was important... I lost myself and I lost what God had for me.  I felt so limited in America.  I was supposed to be in Russia.  But I learned something... Wherever I am is where I am supposed to be. God didn't bring me to the U.S. for no reason.  I've finally realized why.  While I was definitely needed to help with our church's biggest outreach, something I love doing, I knew it wasn't the only reason I was here.  God needed to spend a little time on me.

I struggled in Russia, trying to figure out my life; all I wanted was to know the future.  I'm 23 years old, single,and living in Russia.  That was NOT normal.  I had to try and find what normal was in this place, at least that's what I believed.  When I came back to the states, I was shocked to find that life in America was NOT normal either!  I was frustrated by our culture, I was frustrated with God, and I was frustrated to be stuck in a place that I "wasn't supposed to be."  I continued to search for normal. Normal to me was getting engaged, married, having kids, white picket fence.... completely unrealistic.  But I wanted it. I knew I couldn't have it for at least 9 more months-- when I would return to the states "officially"-- but I still sought it out.  And in that desperate search, I lost myself.  I lost who I was supposed to be in place of who someone wanted me to be.  Turns out, that wasn't the greatest idea.  I lost friendships, relationships, and my heart broke in my desperation to find normal.

Here I am, two months later, and I've quit looking for normal.  I don't need it.  I've found MY normal. And it isn't normal whatsoever.  No one can live the life I have, and I can't live someone else's life in the same way that they have.  I have figured out who I am by myself, and I think that's important.  I don't have a husband with a house in the suburbs and 2.2 kids.  And that's okay. And while that may be normal for someone, it's isn't for me.  My "normal" will be so much greater, bringing me a joy that no one else can understand or comprehend.

God is not normal.  No one should ever expect normal from Him.... He is so far beyond normal.  His plans for me are abnormal, and to expect normalcy would be limiting God and His abilities.

So next time you are having a busy week, or want things to go back to "normal," remember something:

"Who says normal is anything to strive for?"