Be Real

Sometimes life gets overwhelming.  You can't cope.
Sometimes crying helps.  Or it doesn't.

Lines blur between boundaries of good and bad.  Balance is hard to find.
Exhaustion overtakes your day to day.  Breathing becomes a chore.

You get stuck inside your own mind, wishing someone else could read it.
Wishing the thoughts would just come out and no one will judge you.

The feeling of nausea doesn't stop, no matter how much you (don't) eat.
You're starving and too full, no matter what you eat.

Writing is too difficult because you fall down the rabbit hole.
Reading how to help makes it worse.  Forget thinking.

How the hell do you cope?
Exercise until you can't feel your legs.
Cry until you can't see.
Or just don't.

Don't tell a soul how you feel.  Don't trust.
Don't sleep-- that's not really a choice anyway.

Breathe.  Definitely try and breathe.
Although difficult, that's important.

I'd say pray, as a believer that helps.
But sometimes, in your weakest times, it doesn't.

And then humans come into play.
Who do you trust?

Your inner thoughts are too intimate for a coffee date.
Screw Facebook.

Relationships are the worst.  "Hey, take on my burdens?"
Great idea.  Until they say no.  Same with the next person.

SOMEONE SAY YES.
Someone I can trust.
Someone who won't hold it over me.
Someone who can keep a secret.
THE secret.
That sometimes, you just... can't.

Let me cry.  Let me talk.
Let me SUCK instead of being held up as such a brave person.

Sometimes it is easier to suck than to live up to too many...
Expectations.

I literally want to explode inside.
Sometimes I do.

When I'm in my room-- alone.
Always alone.

Because WHO do I have?
I swear, if I hear another person say, "Jesus...'



Guys, anxiety isn't a joke.  These are my DAILY thoughts.  Online personas are not real. This world needs to own up to the fake lives that we perceive on social media.  Obviously, I've lived that persona.  I'm sick of it.  I'm tired of the fake lives that we live in and outside of social media, that we are happy, and life with 4 kids is easy. Or that we don't struggle with ANYTHING.  That, even though someone close to us has passed away, we are comforted knowing that they've gone "home." Seriously, be sad.  It's really okay.  Or be happy if that is what is REAL.  But if it isn't, then don't.  Because, somewhere out there, is a girl, who is your age, wondering why life as a first time mom isn't as easy as it is personified on Facebook.  Or a man who can't admit that he misses his Dad because that's not the "manly" thing to do.  Or there is someone out there, like me, who struggles with anxiety, but can't talk about it because it seems like everyone around you has it together.  No one has it together.  No one is perfect.  Share your imperfections with someone.  Be humbled, and learn how to share truth.  Someone out there needs it. #bereal