24 Hours

It's been 24 hours of Facebook free life.  I also took a step back from my other social medias: Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram (though I admit to scrolling through it once today AND will be posting this on my account). I have found myself with a lot of "free time" (insert air quotes) in the last day.  Now, my life isn't less busy or less chaotic, and I haven't cut back my work hours-- I've actually added more.  I'm not a new person who realizes their faults and loves at all times.  I'm still imperfect. But I've found myself with literal free hands.  My phone got lost 5-6 times today, my hands did a lot of fidgeting, and I found myself participating in more things.  I went to a play group and just held my (3 week old, nanny) baby.  I watched the kids play.  I didn't say much.  I just watched.  It was different.

I'm not saying I was one of those people who was sucked into their phone all the time, but I will say it was always with me and would grab it as soon as it went off.  Today, I turned on some music, walked away, and texts went unanswered for a long time.  However, it made today a little lonelier.  I realized that I initiate 90% of all on my texts. When I didn't have messages, I would just Facebook stalk my friends.  I'd fill my time with "people" and their lives via social media.  So today I spent most of my day trying to fill the silence.  And that wasn't easy.

I will say, I found the time to read my Bible.  I found the time to listen to worship music instead of scrolling through Instagram videos.  I found time to realize that I really shouldn't focus on who is or isn't messaging me.  What's in front of me is what matters.  My little nugget of three weeks was in front of me all day.  Her, and the people we visited today, they were priority.

I need to get used to the fact that other people have lives.  I need to get used to the fact that I am on my own.  I feel free, but lonely. I've always been lonely, but I filled it with social media.  Now I'm just lonely and don't want to fix my loneliness by hanging out with people.  But I force myself to.  If I don't, I'll be miserable.  I was meant to socialize.  And when I can't see my friends, which, let's be honest, is more often than than not, I need to fill that free time with Jesus.  My soul aches for him and His presence.  So you could say that I've learned a lot in the last 24 hours.  Because I have.  Life hasn't gotten less complicated or busy, and certainly hasn't gotten any easier... Rome wasn't built in a day.  But I know where to go from here.