Love, Plans, Prayer

Something that has been on my heart a lot lately is Love.
God's Love.
His Plans.

My life hasn't been very easy these days, but really, that's to be expected in this imperfect world.  But I've finally come to terms with a lot of things and have figured out my life. God's plan.
I wouldn't say I have figured out the secret to life... just.... how to live in this world.  Clearly God's ways are better than my ways.  Always have been.  I've accepted that.  But, until the recent weeks, I wasn't really comfortable not knowing for myself what God has for me.  I still don't fully know, but I have officially become comfortable not knowing.  For me, this is a huge step.  I am always in constant need of control or perfection... God has taken this burden and made it into something better.  Trust.  Faith.  Love.
I was driving to drop off my resume and I told God.... "This is Yours. I'd love to have this job, I really would, but if this isn't what You have planned, okay.  I may be upset, but I know that You have something better.  Something better that I cannot comprehend.  And if this is what You want, what You have planned, thank you for leading me this direction."   I went in there thinking there wasn't going to be a job, but alas, there is one spot.  And hey, I may not get this job, but what really matters to me is that I am letting God take this.  I don't want the burden, I don't want the stress.  Sure, when I call again today (boss was sick for 2 days) I will be nervous, but really, God has it.  And if I don't get this job, I have a back up.  I am comfortable with my summer.
But had I not let that go.... imagine how I'd be!  I let myself stress for a while but that seriously messed with me.  So I'm much better off.
What I got out of this experience is that God's plans... His Love.... it prevails over anything in this life.  Yes, I have always known that... but I never accepted it for myself.  And now I have.

I've always struggled with prayer.  Sure I can pray now (!!) in big groups, small groups.  But alone I am dreadful.  In the car I look like the crazy person talking to themself.  That's about the only place I feel like I have a realistic conversation with God.  In devos, before bed, when I think about it, it is so heartless and a blanket prayer.  In my car, or actually sometimes as I am getting ready to leave, my prayers just kind of flow.  And it isn't the deep conversation I hope to have.  I feel like I'm talking to my best friend, which is great, but is that wrong?  I feel like I'm only partially there or something.  But what I have gotten out of this is a few conversations that I have had with people.  God told me to move.  So I'm going.  I'm excited, I'm ready.  And tonight I am having a pretty serious conversation with someone... because God told me it was okay.  But are all my prayers supposed to sound like this?  I feel like they're surface level... different than when I pray out loud, or with the youth, or in our devotions.  I don't really know how it's supposed to go...