A Christmas Miracle

I remember when I was young, just how magical Christmas was.  Santa by some miracle got my bike down a nonexistent chimney.  My family was whole.  I had never experienced loss, life, or a bad day.  Ten years down the road I saw all of that and way too much more.   Christmas turned to hell.
I can tell you just by looking at the "family photo" on Christmas what year it was.  The year my sister had spent beating me and dealing with a serious drug problem.  The year I starved myself and no one noticed.  The year half my family moved away. The year my parents were within a month from divorcing.  The year there wasn't a picture at all.... last year.
Years ago I decided that I hate Christmas.  Why?  Because as a child, Christmas was about family.  And I had none as a teen.  For a while it seemed.  I felt the feeling of loss more than any one in my family.  Took the brunt of the pain.  All in secret.  No one knows how I felt, and are possibly finding out right now.  I was broken. Lost. Confused.
And then there was God.  I had Him.  I had the people who loved Him and loved me with Him.  That was my escape.  That is where I hid last year.  I couldn't take the divorce, the hate, the struggle.  I couldn't figure out where I belonged.  So I disappeared into the Christmas Day church service, pretending I was whole and happy.  Few knew.  Few knew that I was struggling through one of the most difficult days of my life.
I spend every year building up to "the big day," Christmas.  I go all out with the lights, music, clothing, the entire Christmas spirit.  I love it.  But give me Christmas day and I'm cornered.  I hated it.  More than anything else in the entire world.  Because I had no one.  Not one single relative who wanted me.  Or that's how it played out in my mind.
But God had something else in mind this year.
My family, broken, confused, dealing with the most difficult of life struggles.... drugs, divorce, opposite sides of the world, single parenting, Cancer, heart surgeries.... my family somehow became a family this year.  Over the last year my little sister has become one of my best friends.... one reason why I went into Christmas day feeling okay.  My nieces lighting up any room they're in.... making Christmas happy.  And finding that I have not one.... but four places to call home.... made Christmas this year one of the best days of my life.  I spent the day in a rush most of the time... opening and running, eating and leaving, laughing and driving away.... but it was because I had family who wanted to see me and I wanted to be with them.  Because this year... Christmas meant so much more to me than hiding in a corner all alone again... it meant family.  It meant Christ.  It meant love from more people than I can keep track.  It meant Christmas.  And for the first time I feel like I'm six again.  Believing that it is totally possible to get a bike down the non existent chimney.  That it is okay to hope and believe that God is constantly working with me to connect with my family again.... That He is completely capable of anything.... this year it was a Christmas Miracle.