Lately I have felt somewhat disconnected. From people. From God.
Sure. We can text. Have a silly conversation. Morning devotions. Prayer time. Doesn't mean anything if there is no connection. I can't seem to like people. Talking seems tedious and ineffective. No good is coming from it. I pray, half the time in tears, and nothing. Silence. Okay, so I can handle silence. For a while. But it's more like, what I am praying doesn't even get to God. Like there's nothing. And I don't know how to fix that. I read my Bible every morning. We have morning devotions in the internship. I help with uturn. I go to church. And it feels like, during worship, with my hands raised and voice high.... Nothing. I hear nothing. I feel nothing. Where's God? I know it isn't Him, it's me. But I'm TRYING. Practically begging. Forgiveness. No more silence. Help me. what did I do wrong? But again, I don't even think it gets to God. I feel so alone all the time... Even in a room full of people. I want to hide and I'm an extrovert. Being alone all the time is my new favorite thing. And yet, I want people. But I can't CONNECT with anyone.... Not even God. I don't understand.
Sometimes there are moments like this with God. He is always there of course, but in this He is trying to teach you something. You have seen and know how much he is already done and now he is having you wait and trust in Him. Maybe some time with him is what You need right now and not focus on other people. In a few months I'm sure this time will all make sense. Love you :)
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