The Onion

Sometimes I laugh at myself for all of my "Castle" applications to my life. For example... Then onion. The Beckett Onion.
Katherine Beckett is a VERY complicated woman. You think she is an NYPD detective... Defeating the murderers of New York and kicking the crap out of crime. And she is. But that doesn't define who she is. That's just the first layer of the Beckett onion. Multiply by 600 layers and 6 years of being friends and you may have scratched the surface of the Beckett Onion.
I have the Teresa Onion. That no one has really bothered to try and peel in the last 4 or 5 years. I have 2 people who know everything about me... And yet they don't know me. They claim to. And I call them my best friends. But they have only scratched the surface. Mostly that's my fault. A lifetime of pretending you're someone else, because that's the only option you had, makes it rather difficult for you yourself know who you are. I have yet to peel the entire Teresa onion. But I'm farther than any one else. I'll put something out there... A layer.
I actually much prefer being quiet and to myself. Recently discovered over the summer. I'm an introvert. I grew up an introvert. But because I was forced to be an extrovert in high school, that's what has been expected of me. For that, I now get crap for being loud. And I'm finally standing up to that. I'm not going to take crap for being someone I'm not... Someone I don't even want to be. That's so silly and not worth the tears. It has been my defense and what I have hidden behind. But now that I realize that I'm not being taken seriously and I'm seriously annoying, I think it's time to get away from the "better option" of hiding behind my loud voice and finally be myself. It's time to let other people be heard and for me to finally be able to be myself.
So the onion isn't peeled, but this year in the internship, that's my goal: answering the question, "who am I?" and not pretending like I already know. It's time to let some layers peel off for good, no matter the amount tears that are shed (did you catch that pun?!) this will be a slow process but I am SO ready.
It's time to break my heart into God's hands so He can put me back together, just as He wants me to be. Starting with by voice. Layer number one, coming off.