So. I have a host family offer. Yeah. Okay. I'm freaking out a little. There are things that need to be worked out. Conversations to be had. Praying to be done. And possibly crying. I mean, let's be honest here, I'm freaking terrified. There is a possibility to move into this home. 3 small children. Very nice people. And yet. I have this fear? Whaaaaat is the deal here? I live in a home where I have no food. No money (well, there's money, just not for me). No support (unless my Dad calls). 2 divorces. Custody issues. Drugs. And a pregnant sister who just moved back in. And I'm afraid to leave. That sounds stupid.
But really, I feel logical in some of the fear. Rules? What the heck are those? Curfew? Oh, I have one with the internship. But no one notices when I come home late. Structure and Boundaries? I have no idea what any of that is. I've never had them. I told my Dad the rules of the internship when I told him I was doing it, and he asked why I needed rules. I didn't have any growing up. Besides clean my room. I did that anyway. What if I screw it up? What if I can't do it? I don't freaking know how. Drastic change. HUGE adjustment. I can't be that good at it. Yeah. Yeah. I need to shut up. Quit doubting myself. I hear people now. But I don't do failure. I fail and that's it for me. I quit. I hate that part about me, and I'm working on it. But I'd rather not set myself up for failure.
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