Growing

This is one of two posts today. One for Rachel, one for myself. I need to post a blog about how the intership has changed me and so this is what I am doing.
14 weeks. That's how long I have been an intern at Faith Center. My home away from home.  I was wondering when I would change.  When I would grow.  Why hadn't it started yet?

And then, I was talking to Misty a few weeks ago.  I told her I wanted to grow. And somehow our conversation morphed into relationships. Once I got to talking (typing) about what I wanted out of a relationship (friendship and husband) she pointed out something. I had grown.  I thought this woman was nuts.  But I went back to read what I had said (thank goodness for technology) and I noticed that my entire perspective on relationships had changed.  I found a friend I fully and completely trust with absolutely every part of my being. And now I understand how real friendships are supposed to work.  It isn't that I didn't understand before, and it isn't like I didn't have those friends before, but I just feel like, even though they don't intend it, I was always judged or looked down on.  And I don't feel that way now.  I understnad how friends should make you feel. Trusting. Not hesitant. Good. Not bad.  Important.  Not shoved away. Smart. Not like a complete idiot.  As for the husband.  I wouldn't say I've had unhealthy relationships. I'd just say that there weren't ever relationships that we talked. Or went out. I never felt good about them.  Which explains why they were so short.  But now I fully understand God's plan. His purpose for me. Boundaries. How I should feel about my future husband. How he should feel. The importance of talking.  All of that. I'd say that I got that idea from watching what not to do with my parents who got divorced 6 months ago, but that I was ALL God.

What else. Oh. Hey. I can pray. In front of people. Only if you don't tell me I have to. I hate that.  And I refuse whenever that happens. I wouldn't say I'm confident. Or anywhere near comfortable.  But I practice whenever the chance arises.  Unless I'm tired or in a bad mood.  It's terrible that it takes me being in a good mood and on my own accord to do it, but I'm progressing people.  Considering I bawled my eyes out the first time I lead Bible Study because I was so terrified, shows progress.

Hmm. Oh. Well. I receved my prayer language. No big deal. HA Except it happened when I told God I had no more strength. And then HELLO. I have no idea what I said but I felt so much better after laying in bed crying for hours.  I looked up this word that I kept saying over and over again and it is Portuguese for "steps." Take one step at a time? maybe. I have no idea.  But yes. Holy Spirit. HELLO.

Uhm. What else. I'm not very cohearant today, so maybe this was a bad day to write.  But it's what I've got. i can't think of much else. Now that I feel like I am bragging about myself, I'd just like to say, This is all because of God. Not me. So Praise God.  I'm falling asleep.  I need to stop typing.