Hopelessness

So, I'm approaching this topic, again, only because I have a new perspective on it.  In Matt's message today, he repeated "keep hoping, keep anticipating." Here I am. Still host family less.  Still alone.  And my hope is basically gone.  At this point, I won't be coming back next term for the internship because I need to get a more substantial job to move out and rent an apartment.  I've hit desperation.  And if that means I have to give this up, then so be it.  I've told God that I need a home.  He knows.  I've hoped.  I've anticipated. For four months. Not to mention the twenty plus years of what I would only describe as the loneliest life on the planet.  I have friends.  Cool.  Love. That's amazing.  But hey, they go home. To a family. Who loves them.  Accepts them.  Of which I am currently an outcast and am not welcomed. You'd think I'd feel loved, accepted. But no, my beliefs have become rejected. Mocked. Ridiculed. To the point of tears. Every night. My niece isn't allowed to talk to me. I'm treated like trash. I have no food. No money. My emotions are everywhere.I am completely alone except I have God with me.  That is enough.  Except when I am cut down to the point of tears every night.  I can't leave my room.  I have no food.  I feel hated.  And I'm attacked by my sister's friends who don't accept any part of who I am.  So.  You see why I have hit hopelessness??  Keep hoping.  Keep anticipating. How am I supposed to do that when I have nothing to hope for? Nothing.  Here I am. Rejected for the very belief that has made my life amazing. And yet, it seems to be destroying it all the same.