All I want

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

We talked about being God's masterpieces this morning in our Devo's. In that topic we discussed the gifts we've been given and which ones we use to the best we can, as well as those we need to grow in. For me, I see a weakness in my gifts, that maybe I don't have any. Sure. I can talk. I can give advice. Pretty much it. I guess that's a gift. But I am in constant need of "chiseling" to become God's masterpiece. The last question we were asked brought me to tears... And as I type this I am trying not to cry. Who are some people you can lead to Christ with your gifts? My heart had been aching after my family. How can I bring them toward God when they don't want me? I have hit a barrier since moving out. Right now I'm not constantly getting yelled at or shunned for my faith, but instead I'm rejected. I don't get phone calls or hugs. Instead, silence. There is no happiness when I show up at my Dad's. Instead I fear the trip... What rejection will I receive today? Though I don't live there now, it hurts so much more. Rejection. When all I want is for them to know God. I break every time I realize how badly I have failed at showing Him. I'm supposed to be this light and all they see is darkness. How am I supposed to lead them to God when they refuse to talk to me? How am I supposed to lead them toward Christ when I have led them so far astray? I just don't know how I'm supposed to do this... With God all things are possible but I have been trying so desperately for FIVE years for them to understand. And now I have led them do far away that they want no association with me and I can't even say "Jesus" in the house. It hurts. My heart hurts.