"I guess we're all just one phone call from our knees."
Alright... I'm on my knees. That stupid phone call that changed my life, my plans, my summer. Now I'm stuck with finding a grunge job, moving somewhere again (with no idea where). So I'm crying again. All the time. And I hate it. I hate that I have to be stressed, and clueless, and have no where to go. I have that bleak summer of absolutely mindless work. Not living with my family who doesn't want me back anyway. My room has already been redone. I have no money for Mexico, or my passport. The money in my wallet is all I have and it isn't expanding. On top of that, God asked me to double my tithe last weekend. Oh yeah, God. Where is He in this? I have no idea. Sure. He's there. I know that well enough now, but where is He? Because I can't find Him. He's supposed to provide, isn't He? As I stumble in the dark abyss of blind walking, I can't find anything worth anything right now. Just as I begin to figure out who I am and what I want, I get the rug pulled out from under me... again. I had options, a whole summer of adventures... in Seattle. But do I get that now? No. I don't mean to sound like a spoiled child... but why is it that I can never get what I want? I mean, I want to work my entire summer for God in this amazing new place, a whole new experience. I wanted it so bad! And did I get it? No... someone else did. Because I'm not worth it? Because I wasn't good enough? I don't have a giant resume. If that's the reason then it's ridiculous. How am I supposed to gain experience if they won't let me try? I am just so sick of not being good enough for anyone or anything. I'm sick of rejection and I am tired of not knowing where the hell my life is going. Right now? I'm alone. I'm on my knees, but I'm alone.
Dont be stressed or clueless. Let him take you where you are suppose to be. Let go of all your wants and let him fill your NEEDS. He has taken care of you this far hasnt he? Look at where you are, first year done, grown, and he found you a home. The job that you dont want to get will help pay for your trip to mexico and passport wouldnt it? Start looking now so you dont miss that opportunity. Dont miss the opportunity of being that light in a dark place, to be that person who plants that seed in someone, who brings someone of the world to Christ. Because in all of this, that is our job...our job isnt to want to go here or there, its to be ready for where God puts us and to use the knowledge that he has given us to help the people of the world. I love you, be open to what he has.
ReplyDeleteTeresa, rejection is never fun. Please do not read more into it than what it is and bring yourself down. You have countless people that believe in you and love you. He has been with you every step of the way and in his timing (unfortunatley) he will show you the next step to take. He knows where you will live and how you will spend your time. Trust in him. You are not alone, He is always with you. Love you and praying for your next decisions.
ReplyDeleteAnd also what Misty said :)