Just Tell Me

I wouldn't say I'm perfect. In fact, I scoff at most compliments, doubting myself and what I do. I wouldn't say I need constant affirmation (though Cameron thinks I need it more often), but I feel like I am constantly doubting myself. I don't notice growth. As far as I am concerned, I am practically the same person I was a year ago. But, apparently, according to a few little birds, I've changed a lot. I'm doing well. I'm growing. I just heard that people feel and see this. I thought nothing of myself. I've been doubting everything. Why? Because no one has confirmed that I'm doing well. No one has told me that they see my growth. I was told twice last week how well I am doing and that two other people (who are practically my mother and big sister) feel the same way. Great! That's fabulous even. Put me in to tears of joy. But it took me crying in tears of doubt and pain to be told that, oh hey, you're a completely different person. Nothing like who I used to be. Again, it isn't like I need constant affirmation, but seriously, it would be nice to know that I don't completely suck. Sometimes, I just need people to tell me that I'm doing well. I'm growing. I'm changing. Or maybe even... They're proud of me. Maybe it's because no one in my family has ever said they are proud I me. Maybe it's that rejection that makes me completely doubt everything about myself. But I'm human. I can't forget that trauma. So, as someone trying to make it in the world without their family and trying to get away from the world tendencies, it would be nice if someone could just tell me "hey, I'm proud of you."