The Past

I'd rather not delve into the stories of my past. Not that I did anything dreadfully wrong. I have regrets, I'll admit. But I'd say my own story is pretty bland. Add in people and what they've done and my story takes a bad twist. An abusive one. A tearful one. One that I wish to forget. My past, though it defined who I am became, does not define who I am. If that makes sense. It created my story, unique to the 7 (or is it 8?) billion other people in the world... But that isn't who I am. I learned. I grew. I became who I am through events of my past but not because of my past. My past does NOT define me. I'm probably " talking in circles" as Christie likes to point out. I have a history, not a great one. But I won't let my future be as my past was. I will have more confidence, walk differently, talk differently. I'll fight back and stand up for what I believe. I'll define friendships and find true love. I'll FEEL loved. I already do. Why am I determined to find good? Because I know what it's like for there to be so much evil that you don't want to exist. I want peace and love and joy. I'm determined to be optimistic and find what better out there for me, for God to show me what's better out there for me. Looking back, I know I never want to experience most of the things I went through ever again. Will I? Of course. I'm human. Not immune to the troubles of this world. Do I regret my past? In some ways, yes. I'm scarred more than anything, in ways I can't even explain to those I love. But I digress. I see where I have come, how far I have come, where I came from. Though I wouldn't repeat the past, I wouldn't change it. Sometimes I wish I could. Remove that person. Stop that outfit from walking out the door. Tell my innocent self not to let myself be tainted by society or do what guys wanted me to do. But where would I be without those stories? Those ex boyfriends (2) or backstabbing "friends?" Who would I be? Naive. Immature. I couldn't be a mentor. No experience. I couldn't tell people how God brought me through hell and back before I even knew Him, not to mention when I did. So yes, I have a past. So does everyone else. But it is how you use it, for good, that defines who you are. Who will you become from what you've learned? I'd also like to point out the good. When I say "past" I mean before I met God. When I say anything about my "new life" or how I apply my life lessons, it's after I discovered the Love of Christ. The past was dreary and depressing, but as I'm discovering Christ (learning more and more every day), even when it's hard, it's so much easier with Him. That is one thing I've learned through past experience. I didn't seek His comfort because i didn't know Him. He (unbeknownst to me) took care of me. Now that I know who He is, I seek Him. Even in the small things. He is creating a new life for me. A better story. So twenty years from now, I'll talk about my life not my past. A life full of Christ and His love.